How to Spot Negativity and Deal with Negative People

Negativity versus Constructive Criticism

There’s a big difference between negativity and constructive criticism!  So, don’t be fooled by negative or toxic people who want to camouflage their negative comments and pessimistic behaviour by labelling them as “constructive criticism”.

Constructive criticism aims to provide someone with helpful and encouraging feedback that will lead to improvement. On the other hand, negativity aims to beat down, demean or lessen a person, a thing or a person’s accomplishments.

If you bring a negative person to the loveliest place on earth with breathtaking scenery, they’re likely to say “Oh the view is ok, but it took so long to get here” or “I was expecting it to be more scenic”.

If you take them to the best restaurant with the most delicious food cooked by world-renowned chefs, they’ll complain that the food could have been served hotter or how they could have made ‘xyz’ dish much better or what ‘abc’ dish was missing.

If you take them to a Grammy Award winning movie with an excellent plot and the best actors, they’ll complain that the cinema was too cold or that ‘x’ actor had on too much makeup or wasn’t suited for that role.

If you take them to see Olympic figure skating with the world’s best ice skaters and world-class ice dancing performances, they’ll complain that the colour of the female skater’s outfit wasn’t right or the couple skating didn’t look good together.

Well, you get the picture! Something can’t just be good, full stop, for negative people. They make it their business to criticize everything, they always could do it better and find some minute, infinitesimal problem or flaw.

Believe me! There is nothing you can do to please or change a negative person. Just safeguard yourself - your emotions, mental health and sanity – by staying away from them!

 

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4 Practical Tips for Dealing with Negative or Toxic People

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you cannot avoid toxic or negative people because they work or live with you or go to the same school or church. Nightmare!  So, here are some very practical tips and useful advice for dealing with these toxic people. 

1.     Avoid arguments

An argument is always ‘icing on the cake’ for a negative person because then they’ve succeeded in ruining your mood and disturbing your peace. So, at all costs, avoid getting into an argument with a negative person. If they ‘throw’ a comment your way that makes you ‘see red’.  Stop, smile to yourself and do not respond. Often, that seemingly innocent comment was deliberately meant to rile you up.  So, do not give him or her the satisfaction of evoking the response they wanted – your anger, a prolonged and bitter argument or an action that could get you in trouble and which you will later regret.

2.     Reduce the amount of time spent in that person’s company

Restrict the time spent with a negative or toxic person to only that which is absolutely necessary to complete the project at work or school, complete the meal at the dining table, complete the church activity, etc.  Find a way to politely excuse yourself from his or her company. At your earliest convenience, go find some task or leisurely activity to do where you will be out of reach. Retire to the privacy of your room or office or some other space where you will be undisturbed. You need to be military about it, particularly when he or she spews the first negative sentence. Do not waste any more of your precious time.  

 

3.     Change the conversation topic and always stay positive

Once you’ve been around a toxic person for a while, you’ll eventually learn particular conversation topics that trigger negativity or pessimism from this person. Stay clear of those topics when you are in the company of this toxic person. Whenever they try to bring up that topic which leads to negativity, quickly and skilfully change the subject. When you change the subject, though, avoid deep or controversial topics.  Stick to light topics and keep changing the subject so that they don’t have time to dwell on any one topic and dig out reasons to be negative. Insist on being an optimist when they take the low road of being an eternal pessimist. In other words, always show the glass as being half full when they insist on only seeing it half empty.

4.     Mentally tune them out

This is, by far, the most powerful tool to deal with a negative, toxic or pessimistic person, especially when you are in a situation where you cannot change the subject or get away - like a meeting with your always-complaining boss or in the company of a nagging spouse. Don’t give that negative person control over your mental space. You may not have control over what they say or do but you do have control over your own mind and what you do or say. Tune them out in your mind by thinking about something or somewhere pleasant in order to counter their negative energy.

In conclusion, I will remind you of what you ought to know, with the wise words of Hippocrates, the ancient Greek physician: "Men ought to know that from nothing else but the brain come joys, delights, laughter and sports, and sorrows, griefs, despondency, and lamentations."  A negative person is an unhappy person. So, guard your mind and by extension your health against toxic people, whether at work, at school, at home or at church.

“Your career and life will change for the better when you learn to surround yourself with positive people and keep the negative ones away (Author unknown).”

 

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